Reasons I will quit Google

You may remember, I recently took a job at Google. 

It's been pretty damn amazing.  I am really darn happy with this move.  They treat us really well here.  So well, in fact, that there is a term called #GoogleProblems.  Kinda like First World Problems.  Problems that you wouldn't have if you didn't work at Google. 

Googlers often have to remind ourselves that we have it really really damn good here.  But, it's still fun to mock ourselves when we catch someone, oneself included, complaining about something. 

I will give you an example by kicking off my new category: Reasons I will quit Google.

Today's reason I will quit Google:

Today, after I arrived, I stopped in the cafeteria to pick up some free breakfast.  I selected a salted bagel with cream cheese and some capers and smoked salmon (lox).  Unfortunately, the capers are SUPER potent!  Now...I have bad breath.  And I am out of gum.  Ridiculous.

I don't know if this will work out.